more rambling. read at your own risk.

the thing about becoming a new parent is that really, nobody else has the patience or the interest to hear you gush except for your spouse. so a typical conversation about the entire event and about m goes like this:

x: so, how is the new mommy doing?
what i say: very well, thanks...quite tired, but still very well.

what i want to say: i'm doing super and terrible at the same time. super, because the feeling is simply out of this world. i thought getting married was the best thing, but this is way better! terrible, because when my baby cries and i have no clue why, or i can't help him, it feels like shit. i mean, he's SO tiny and helpless and can't even say what he feels. once you know he isn't hungry, dirty or sleepy, you really are clueless. is he just doing drama? is it discomfort/pain due to gas? it's really heart-wrenching to see him bawl and not know why. but you know, nobody warned me that the first few days after the delivery can be quite tough. sure i knew it would be a bit uncomfortable, but nobody told me that it can be really painful to even pee, forget walking. you can't exactly leap out of bed and leap back in when you want, like i wanted to when the baby made the slightest sound. after the fairly healthy pregnancy i had, i was really upset and irritated that i couldn't, especially because people always spoke about how the birthing process is so painful, but nobody talked of the pain after that! also, nobody told me that breast-feeding is really not a joy-ride...not at the start at least. why do women not tell other women these things...it's a conspiracy! of course, all this is not a patch on actually becoming a mom.

x: and how is m?
what i say: he is just lovely. of course he cries really loudly and i don't always know why, but he's just adorable.

what i want to say: he is SOOOOOO cute. you know, the pediatrician said he has a really strong neck and is one of those babies with naturally well-toned muscle (whatever that means for a newborn!!!!!). and he has some priceless expressions. and big fat eyes, when he opens them, that is! and he doesn't look like either of us...he just looks like himself. and so ON.

x: and s must be so excited.
what i say: oh yeah...he is thrilled, naturally.

what i want to say: you know, i'm seeing sides to him i never even knew existed. he is so gentle with m, and so involved.not just the nappy-changing and putting him to bed. he talks to him and is actually quite mental...one of the first things he has tried teaching m is "force is equal to mass into acceleration", can you believe it! hilarious! never mind that i tried teaching him the gita, but trying to teach him physics of all things! and s carries m's snaps with him. i've always teased him that he never carries my snap in his wallet like a true romantic would. of course, for m, he does...isn't that sweet?

x: so how did the labour go?
what i say: actually, not as bad as i thought. very long and very hard, but still not like i thought i was going to die. some moments, i even managed to have fun.

what i want to say: it was insane! you know, we wanted our baby to come between dec 18th-20th instead of 28th, just so that s could get more leave. and 18th afternoon, s sms-ed me saying tell the baby it's time for contraction no. 1. as if the baby was going to do that...and you'll never believe it, but the pain started 18th night, after s returned from munich. it's as if we willed him to wait for s to return, and then come! what an obedient child..now he better stay that way! post midnight, we marched into the hospital. s was practically delirious with joy, and i was ridiculously calm and excited at once. and then the labour went on and on...and s played some music that i wanted and kept cracking jokes, which was counter-productive, because it hurt me more to laugh! and then he did the breathing exercises with me, that helped. s of course was completely disappointed that i didnt claw him and draw blood or hurl abuses at him...no such melodrama, just me breathing slowly and steadily. and i had these cool indoor slippers that looked like cows and made everyone smile and so i had to smile back. and finally when the pain got really bad, s couldn't see me go through it and insisted upon the epidural...i was too exhausted to argue, and i'm glad i didn't :) and they gave me the baby as soon as he came into the world, and i was like, oh my GOD! and they took him away right after that for the APGAR test, and then i saw s walking back into the room holding the baby...OUR baby. it was such fun. and then...AND this...AND that...