tantrums of the terrible threes?
A, an absolutely adorable 3 year-old, suddenly dropped-in on sun evening with her 7 year-old sister I and her parents. the kids were being their usual bouncy selves and after a bit of jumping and chasing around, the elder one settled herself on one of the floor-cushions while the little one parked herself between her mum and me. barely a few minutes later, she was trying to squeeze into I's cushion. expectedly, I refused, not allowing her any space. she told A to get her own cushion, but of course, A only wanted I's cushion. A's plaintive cries filled the room, which the parents calmy ignored. s and i decided to follow the cue and go along with the ignoring...though i MUST say that i found it really hard to ignore her, she is simply so very cute. anyway, conversation flowed in parallel with A's monotonous wails.
at some point, A decided it wasn't worth it and moved on to the sohn-papdi on the table, without a bowl. she dropped most of it...and was immediately admonished by her mum, who promptly appeared with a bowl that she insisted A use. A refused. this was followed by a long pause, after which the mum just thrust the bowl into A's hands. more sulking and drama.
our friends hadn't intended on staying for dinner and it was already late, so we ended up making do with whatever was stocked in the fridge. A's dad was keen to go home soon, the next day being a monday. s was even more keen to get to bed early...he needs some extra-time on sunday nights to brainwash himself that life isn't terrible despite the fact that he leaves home mon morn 6:30 and usually doesnt return till thursday. so we adults went about business-like trying to get food on the table to ensure we could wind up soon.
and then A happened. from the very start of her dinner, she showed no inclination to eat. she sat swinging her legs, playing with her food. after 3 bites, she declared she didn't like roti and wanted rice instead, but mum refused to give her anything until she finished what was on her plate. she then decided it was time for her to go to the toilet for the Big Job. responsible elder sister I volunteered to take her instead of mum though she hadnt finished her dinner either. so mum said she should take her to the loo and leave her there. for a few seconds, there was peace. then, just as we heard I's footsteps walking back towards us, A's vocal chords stretched themselves and drowned them out. 'IIISSSSSSHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO don' t goooooooooooo', she bawled. there's I, not knowing whether to return to us or to the toilet. and there's mum, calmly telling I to come back to her waiting dinner. and there's A's wailing, that has now been transformed into shrieking.
in the midst of all that, there's our dinner. so we eat on and I joins us. finally, A shrieks even louder and shriller than before (if that was really possible) to indicate that she is done. so mum goes and gets her. for a few minutes, A hides behind the sofas, smiling coyly, while mum has already resumed her eating. again given the royal ignore, she clambers onto her seat and finally begins eating. by now, we are all mostly done, but sitting and chatting. A stops eating as soon as she started. we begin clearing the table, A continues staring at the wall. then, quite suddenly, she resumes her wailing. what is it NOW, asks her exasperated mum from the kitchen. 'i want isssshhhhooooooooooooo tp feeeeeeeedddd meeeeee': the classical stretched tone of a child who bawls and talks at the same time. mum's response: nobody is going to feed A, she must eat herself. after the same dialogues were repeated on both sides for what seemed like forever, A FINALLY quietens down and slowly eats her food. by the time she finishes, it's 11.
once they left, s and i just stared at each other. honestly...we find both kids really well-behaved, MOST of the time. having one of them throw a tantrum in our own home was a strange experience...tucked into bed, my little one got a sound lecture on how NOT to behave!!!
a holy bow to every single parent in the world. HOW on earth did our's bring us up!?
at some point, A decided it wasn't worth it and moved on to the sohn-papdi on the table, without a bowl. she dropped most of it...and was immediately admonished by her mum, who promptly appeared with a bowl that she insisted A use. A refused. this was followed by a long pause, after which the mum just thrust the bowl into A's hands. more sulking and drama.
our friends hadn't intended on staying for dinner and it was already late, so we ended up making do with whatever was stocked in the fridge. A's dad was keen to go home soon, the next day being a monday. s was even more keen to get to bed early...he needs some extra-time on sunday nights to brainwash himself that life isn't terrible despite the fact that he leaves home mon morn 6:30 and usually doesnt return till thursday. so we adults went about business-like trying to get food on the table to ensure we could wind up soon.
and then A happened. from the very start of her dinner, she showed no inclination to eat. she sat swinging her legs, playing with her food. after 3 bites, she declared she didn't like roti and wanted rice instead, but mum refused to give her anything until she finished what was on her plate. she then decided it was time for her to go to the toilet for the Big Job. responsible elder sister I volunteered to take her instead of mum though she hadnt finished her dinner either. so mum said she should take her to the loo and leave her there. for a few seconds, there was peace. then, just as we heard I's footsteps walking back towards us, A's vocal chords stretched themselves and drowned them out. 'IIISSSSSSHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO don' t goooooooooooo', she bawled. there's I, not knowing whether to return to us or to the toilet. and there's mum, calmly telling I to come back to her waiting dinner. and there's A's wailing, that has now been transformed into shrieking.
in the midst of all that, there's our dinner. so we eat on and I joins us. finally, A shrieks even louder and shriller than before (if that was really possible) to indicate that she is done. so mum goes and gets her. for a few minutes, A hides behind the sofas, smiling coyly, while mum has already resumed her eating. again given the royal ignore, she clambers onto her seat and finally begins eating. by now, we are all mostly done, but sitting and chatting. A stops eating as soon as she started. we begin clearing the table, A continues staring at the wall. then, quite suddenly, she resumes her wailing. what is it NOW, asks her exasperated mum from the kitchen. 'i want isssshhhhooooooooooooo tp feeeeeeeedddd meeeeee': the classical stretched tone of a child who bawls and talks at the same time. mum's response: nobody is going to feed A, she must eat herself. after the same dialogues were repeated on both sides for what seemed like forever, A FINALLY quietens down and slowly eats her food. by the time she finishes, it's 11.
once they left, s and i just stared at each other. honestly...we find both kids really well-behaved, MOST of the time. having one of them throw a tantrum in our own home was a strange experience...tucked into bed, my little one got a sound lecture on how NOT to behave!!!
a holy bow to every single parent in the world. HOW on earth did our's bring us up!?
posted by sattva at 5:44 AM
4 Comments:
What you've described here pretty much sums up my experience at my friend's house in Pune. On my way to Bombay, I always go there first. But, believe me, within a few minutes of reaching I start wondering at the wisdom of making the stop there. Like your friend, he has two kids, who behave like you've described here :-)
I have a theory. The greatest contribution anyone can make to the world and to mankind is to raise their children well. B'cos, really, they're becoming a rarity.
However, I have no doubt that a certain blogger, who has strange, orange-coloured hair, will do an excellent job :-)
ghost, u made my day with your kind words of faith in my mothering abilities :) fingers crossed that 3 years from now, i dont have to read a friend's post about my child's tantrums!!!
i guess most parents try their best...one can never really know why kids turn out like they do.
(my) A hasnt reached that age yet but whatever tantrums we see at this stage, k and i typically ignore. constant disciplining only makes them stubborn, imo. they are curious and need to discover the world around them, and i dont think this urge should be constantly checked and suppressed. but discipline is important, specially when they might hurt themselves. it is a really, really hard balance to strike.
when it comes to behaviour, "children turn out like their parents" - this, i think, is more true than we'd imagine!! they just watch and learn, watch and learn. so i think a lot of adults need to sort themselves out first!!
and i second what ghost says - s and you will be great parents. worry not. :)
g, now i see why A is such a calm child!
if kids behave like parents, mine might throw dreadful tantrums like s, and might keep losing & forgetting things like me. hai hai! am already trying to brainwash the baby to be unlike us and like vivekanand instead :)
and tumhaare moonh mein ghee-shakkar...amen to your last line!!
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